what will be

just needed to blog before i leave for melbourne conference.
its been a hard month (for many reasons).
This is one of them.
i found it SO hard to pack my bags for this trip.
This is my last conference as a yfc member. this time its for sure. theres no ifs/maybes/buts. no more excuses. im out after this conference. thats why im reluctant to go to melbourne. i dont want to face it.
i dont even have the guts to talk about it with the people im leaving behind cos i get so emotional when i think about it. i swear the yfc kids are my everything. their worries are mine. their happiness is mine. it sounds silly but they are apart of me and my identity. Yfc has been a work of God in my life. However that's why i have no choice but to go. How could i ever stop someone from receiving the same blessings i have from leadership? I have to and want to be obedient to God because i know He only wants the best for everyone.

At the end of the day this is my main fear: im scared i'll lose the relationships ive built with the certain people. Im terrified i wont be tight with these people anymore. What will we talk about?
damn
i just cant imagine what it's going to be like.