what is happening

im so confused about so many things right now.

you know what annoys me more than anything?

people that say things they don't mean.


if you say youre sorry, act like your sorry. otherwise dont bother. you can talk all you want but if you're not willing to change, you just wont.

to me actions speak louder than word and if youre words are lying through your actions, it's the ultimate insult.

#imdone.
God bless

Spuuueeeechless

Words cant express how excited i am for yfcSA's future. looking at my most recent post.. i was pretty down and in a sense those sentiments are the same. I treasure each and every relationship i have within yfc. In particular, I was really happy I got to acknowledge 3 special people at gpm :) Im not sure if THEY took it seriously, but i was serious and if i went any more on about it I would have for sure cried. I meant every word. I know things have changed since 3 years ago when we were young and clueless but they mean the world to me. I pray God blesses them for the rest of their lives.

It has been revealed to me through a brutal lesson that this 'moving on' thing isnt about me. Not at all. It's about God and His timing. I am just one of the pieces in the 3billion piece puzzle. I feel no less just because im one of many. God has worked through me and will continue as long as I keep on His path. Im far from perfect but I will forever thank Yfc for helping me on the journey to being the best individual I can be and I would never want to deny that blessing to any individual who want to serve God through leadership. Where one door closes... another opens.
God bless!

what will be

just needed to blog before i leave for melbourne conference.
its been a hard month (for many reasons).
This is one of them.
i found it SO hard to pack my bags for this trip.
This is my last conference as a yfc member. this time its for sure. theres no ifs/maybes/buts. no more excuses. im out after this conference. thats why im reluctant to go to melbourne. i dont want to face it.
i dont even have the guts to talk about it with the people im leaving behind cos i get so emotional when i think about it. i swear the yfc kids are my everything. their worries are mine. their happiness is mine. it sounds silly but they are apart of me and my identity. Yfc has been a work of God in my life. However that's why i have no choice but to go. How could i ever stop someone from receiving the same blessings i have from leadership? I have to and want to be obedient to God because i know He only wants the best for everyone.

At the end of the day this is my main fear: im scared i'll lose the relationships ive built with the certain people. Im terrified i wont be tight with these people anymore. What will we talk about?
damn
i just cant imagine what it's going to be like.

question

what do you do when you have people very close to you who are addicted to drugs?

just why

WHY DO I CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS SO MUCH?

Albert Einstein

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."


Because 'success' is overrated and doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

what we've become.

you know when you're so over feeling a certain way? 
you're sick of going through the same cycles/motions?
when you can predict what happens next cos youve been through it so many times?


yep.

i can feel it..

im on the verge of a breakdown.. and im not being dramatic- cos thats never been my style.
I feel like one day im just gonna burst when least expected. However, it's comforting to know certain people always have my back. God help me persevere.

Ps. i know there are people out there who love me for who i am and who make an effort. so thankYOU.

L for LOSER

wow its been like a century since i blogged. but i needed to vent so bad and i dont wanna put this on people.

like honestly isnt it annoying.. when: the only guy youve ever had feelings for, the only guy who youve ever just liked their personality and the only guy where you love his family- is taken. I know im overreacting because you cant mourn for something you never had in the first place. but idk i always had this feeling... like if i dont marry him , i'll never marry. and i feel like A BLOODY LOSER for having feelings for someone who doesnt love me back. but i have to move on... i think i will just live with the fact that i loved him once.

on a second note.. just in general i feel like i have so much love for so many people. as in friendship wise... i feel like i just wanna hug everybody.. but nobody feels the same way back (except family). i hate it cos i feel like a freakinstupidloser- why do i bother. why do i choose to love people who dont love me back.? i dont feel sorry for myself. im just pissed off with the way i am.

i need God more than ever.